ARA: Are thank you notes passe for millennial newlyweds?

A reader asks:

My wife and I have been to about 10 weddings over the last 6 years. All of the married couples I would consider Millennials. We brought gifts to all the weddings and only received thank you notes from 2 couples. My question for your readers is “Are thank you notes considered passe by millennial newlyweds?”

10 thoughts on “ARA: Are thank you notes passe for millennial newlyweds?

  1. Cory Reed

    Absolutely not. A thank you note is a must for any gift, and that includes a birthday gift. When someone carefully select, purchases, and Rob a gift to bring to a wedding or other event, it is absolutely necessary for the recipient to write a heartfelt thank you note. This goes for cash or a check, too. I find it very rude and inconsiderate if the gift is not mentioned or the person is not thank you. How do you even know that they received it? Maybe it got lost in the shuffle or and the mail or within ups.

    I live out of state from my family and used to send birthday gifts. Once I stopped getting thank you notes, even a text wpuld do (because it was immediate family,) I stopped sending gifts.

  2. Mary

    NO! Thank you notes are not passe!! That being said I find that fewer couples or any gift receivers for that matter send thank you notes in a timely manner. This goes along with fewer people sending RSVP as requested. I think if someone took the time to think of, procure and send a gift and/or check a hand written, mailed with a stamp thank you (sent in a timely manner) is not to much to ask.

  3. Rich

    If they are obsolete they shouldn’t be. I think I could get used to an e-mailed thank you (not sure) but in my mind no excuse for NO Thank you. One very practical reason is to confirm that the gift was received and not lost in the shuffle only checks can be confirmed. Common courtesy should remain common.

  4. Kathy Harrison Fuller

    Thank you notes’ envelopes should be written and addressed prior to the wedding based off of the RSVP list. That way they can be ready to go after the honeymoon. It is distressing that all millennials are being lumped in this category, but the abysmal 80% that did not write thank you notes really speaks volumes. I have two millennials and three GenZ children that write thank you cards. The lesson is learned at home.

  5. Kelly

    I think thank you notes are a must! I am teaching my kids how important thank yous are by having them write thank yous to their friends after their birthday parties, and calling relatives or sending notes after receiving gifts. Unfortunately, most people do not do the same. I can count on one hand the number of times I have been thanked or received a note for a gift I sent a young relative. It is quite sad. I hate to see politeness go out of style.

  6. Robin Shufelt

    Very Rude!! Thank you notes never go out of “style”! Especially for weddings, showers etc. Techically, they have a year, to write the notes. I think after 6 mo I would be calling to gently ask if they received the gift.

  7. Erin

    No, they’re not “passe.” In fact, I’d argue with more and more gifts being shipped they’re more important than ever. People who ship gifts ahead of time generally have no idea if their present was actually delivered and received unless they get a thank you note.

  8. Laura

    I was taught and did thank you notes since I could draw a picture. Both my brothers were too. So I believe they are necessary and that the person getting them appreciates them. That being said, there are a lot of people not doing them now. I’d like to think maybe they weren’t taught to but on the other hand if you’re mature enough to be married you should also be mature enough to know right and wrong. I certainly don’t think of people that do not send thank you notes as bad people but my opinion of them does change a bit.


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