My child stole a doll, and the parent called to talk it out

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????My sister and her husband are all about the pranks lately. Last week, Cindy sheepishly admitted she stepped on my (not inexpensive) Hugo Boss sunglasses when she and C-Note (her husband) went to the driving range. I’d let her borrow the glasses under one condition “please don’t damage them.”

The next day I learned the glasses were, in fact, still in tact.  Apparently, my disappointment/frustration/outrage at the supposedly damaged goods was not enough to satisfy the two of them (I’m not easily angered, plus I really didn’t care, as long as they’d buy me another pair), so they tried again. Continue reading

Toddler gin at the Gap?

I’m kind of obsessed with babyGap and Gap Kids. The clothes are well-made, reasonably priced and cute. I peruse the sale section on the website at least once a week. Tonight, I saw C’s tights were on sale. I figured I’d stock up for next fall/winter.

Then I noticed the three color choices:

Milkshake pink, new classic navy and … sloe gin. As someone who doesn’t know the difference between bourbon and whisky, I thought perhaps sloe gin wasn’t actually something you’d find behind the bar at Pauly’s Hotel.

But, alas, sloe gin a liqueur that’s rockin’ the booze wave with an alcohol content pushing 30 percent. Of all the descriptions to use for child’s apparel, one rooted in something these kids can’t legally consume for another 20 years is an odd and mis-guided choice.

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A break-up letter to spring

Dear spring,

breakupsYou’re on notice. I’m closer than two (still browned out) blades of grass to being done with you. You don’t write, you don’t call and you’re cold.

Remember when you enveloped me in your warmth — emotionally and physically? That’s gone. I’m left alone, buried under a heap of covers, trying to sleep away the pain and disappointment. I’m waiting for a new day — hoping and wishing you’ll change and become what you once were.

And you’ve gotten so unpredictable. It’s hard to have a relationship with someone who goes through so many extremes. You’re down, you’re up, you’re down (and down and down and down). You’ve reached a near-record low.

I saw on social media you’re really going rogue and may start dropping snow later this week. My friends and family would describe me as open-minded and fairly understanding, but that right there was so not part of the agreement. Continue reading

My daughter’s father is …

faceMy husband is tall, and white, and looks older than his age. He doesn’t drive a box truck and he’s not known for his heavily processed, and packaged, baked goods. He wears a suit to work and he still has (most of a good amount of) his hair, and yet my daughter regularly mistakes all sorts of people for her father.

The people she’s called “Daddy”: Continue reading

10 things you missed about #TheDress

Lace Detail Bodycon Dress   at Roman Originals

That’s the dress — straight from the company’s website.

A picture may be worth 1,000 (times 1 million?) shares, but the words that follow are heckofa confusing.

The Internet is going bonkers over this dang dress — a gold and white (although the company does call it royal blue) number originally posted by a 21-year-old singer named Caitlin McNeill.

The performer shot the image on over to her talent manager Sarah Weichel, asking “Is this dress white and gold, or blue and black? Me and my friends can’t agree and we are freaking the fuck out.” (Ouch.)

When I first saw it posted to Facebook last night, I didn’t realize this was a “thing” and thought the woman — a social media connection — doing the asking wanted to know for herself.

Then I scrolled down, and saw every third person in my 5,000-plus connection feed was talking about the dress. Continue reading

Did you see this?

I’m starting a new (occasional) feature on Just Kristi where I share things — status updates, photos, links — I find on social media that make me stop either because they’re funny, moving, incredulous, educational, unbelievable, sad, inspiring or something else.

Here are your three for today (if the statuses are not public, I removed the author’s name. When the post is public — like with the photo in this post — I still asked permission to repost/share):

Sex>money: Continue reading

I’m done …

I’m so over …

bruce jenner

  • Chevron: Up till about six months ago I loved it, now you can buy a chevron mixer, and parents named their kid Chevron. I’m moving onto gingham, or polka dots.
  • Infused … anything: Give me pure, give me original, but stop infusing everything from cookies to cocoa to cooking oil.
  • Brian Williams: I prefer Lester Holt, anyway. Although we’ll have to see how he raps with Jimmy Fallon.
  • Binge watching: Take your time, savor the show and remember when it’s over, it’s over. You can never experience “Parenthood” (the show, not the life) for the first time again.
  • Bruce Jenner: So he’s (likely) transgender. It’s 2015. Let the man be (a woman).
  • Leather ottoman coffee tables: It’s either a table or an ottoman. Trying to make one both is like texting on a date. Not a match made in … anywhere.
  • FitBit status updates: You most certainly exercise more than I do, and you may sleep better, but I’m not sure why that information needs to be shared with anyone but you (and maybe your doctor).
  • Money-grabbing GoFundMe campaigns: Helping others is good, but people asking for money to fund their trip to Costa Rica, or their iPhone 12s, dilute all the worthy causes and genuine “asks.”
  • Kim Kardashian’s husband: He’s an attention-hungry baby. Don’t talk (tweet/blog about) his antics and they’ll stop. Irrelevancy would hurt him more than Kim K leaving the house in sweats and no makeup.

 

Overheard: Asian strippers, and a death threat

exotic dancer“Oh, man, we’ve got to go. Asian strippers are supposed to be sick. Do you get to pick your girl,” he asked his coworker. “I mean, if they send one over and you don’t like her, can you send her away and say ‘no, I want someone else’?”

I perked up. I’m an eavesdropper by nature (a trait ingrained in many reporters) and believe if you don’t want your conversation to become public consumption then you should not have that conversation when out and about.

“Um, uh, I don’t really know,” he said, busying himself behind the counter, not looking at his friend. “I’ve only been once.” Continue reading